why do we cry?

I remember filling a certain form when I was younger, and under the "religion" section I put Buddhist. I also remember kneeling before a golden Buddha statue, holding three lit joss sticks while uttering a prayer. There was a time in Thailand as well when I followed my mom to pray to the four faced Buddha, and I also recall my mom telling me how my life was saved by the goddess of mercy when I was just a baby, and as such my grandma bestowed me to the goddess as her godson. Then there was a time after I accepted Christ when I made a prayer saying that my life now belongs to Christ, and you (the goddess) will no longer have any stronghold on me.

It seems kind of gullible looking back, but I am thankful that Apostle Paul wrote about justification by grace in the bible, otherwise Christianity might just as well be a superstitious religion like many faiths today.

Last week my nus cell group did street evangelism in campus, and I was saddened by the ignorance and lack of enthusiasm by non-believers towards God. I was saddened by the calmness in which they politely chose to be independent from God. After the whole thing was over, I kept thinking, do they know the severity of their choice? Do they know where they are heading towards? They are heading towards eternal hellfire and it is ok because to them it is inexistent? Dear God, why do You love us so much that You made yourself optional?

When I found out that my brother's current girlfriend is an agnostic, I got so furious all of a sudden, so intensely mad up to the point of crying. I couldn’t concentrate on studying and the next thing I knew tears were flowing uncontrollably. I was burning with rage, I wanted to hit the computer screen, flip the table, yet at the same time I felt weak, like I was defeated by satan. I was also angry at myself for being an ineffective salt and light in my family, and the feeling of loneliness crept back eerily. The last time I cried like this was back in NS when I entered a tear gas chamber. I felt that God was far away, and He wasn’t beside to comfort me. I quickly tried to recall bible verses, and one which I couldn’t remember exactly popped up, "神借着福音呼召你们，使你们得着主耶稣基督的荣耀" and after I looked the verse at home, it continues to say, "so then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings..."

***

I shall not complain, and I shall not compare. I will try to find the link between these things and You. I will learn to be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances. I will learn to be still, and know that You are God.