In the 20 years of my life, I’ve never seen my grandma cry. Even as I’m nearing the age wherein I’ll officially become an adult, I didn’t know adults could cry so badly. More so for an elderly who suffers from dementia.
My grandma has poor memory now, and it deteriorates with time. I foresee by 6 months she wouldn’t rmb who she is. Which I guess it’s a good thing, for she would be ignorant of her failing mind then. For now, we have to remind her that she hasn’t taken her meal, or she hasn’t bathed, and the time. This is precisely what baffles me – how is she then still able to conjunct a thought that brings her so much distress?
She was lying on my bed staring blankly into the ceiling when she rolled to her side and started crying. I was shocked by what I was hearing initially, but when I saw her shoulders shrug in sync with the sobs, it confirmed my disbelief. As there wasn’t any tissue around, I wiped away her tears with my singlet, but they kept flowing down onto my pillow. When I put my hands on her arm and asked why she was crying, I felt that she was trembling. Then she said to me in hokkien, I’m not crying anymore.
She lives separately from us, but my dad decided to bring her home because it’s not safe for her living alone. None of her other 3 sons wants to take care of her, despite her terrible state now, which really frustrates me. Even animals know this basic convention of taking care of the one who once fed them, why not them? I understand that 1 of them lives overseas so it’s difficult, another both his wife and him are working parents so nobody will be at home, but the last one makes my blood boil. His wife forbids him to visit his mom, his ailing, old mom. She lets her husband choose: either her or his mom. Well, I wouldn’t take too long to pick my choice, cos any person with the slightest speck of rationale will deduce that she is crazy.
Later my mom came to talk to her and after much chiding, my grandma managed to mutter “我想我的儿子”, which really upsets me. When my grandma decided to take a nap, I sat on the floor beside the bed and started talking to her. She kept shaking her head saying she’s not crying anymore. But the more I look at her, the more difficult it is to hold back my tears. There she was looking expressionlessly into the ceiling, tears welling in her eyes till they overflowed down her cheeks, sorely wanting to see her sons, yet they are unaware of all these emotions inside her. I lied, saying they often called but she was asleep, so I didn’t want to wake her up. That they want to visit her but they’re busy working. Said my dad is coming home in a while. That they all love her.
How do I go about telling her about the Jesus? I want her soul to be saved, so as the rest of my family’s. But they keep rejecting what I say. I’ve always thought to myself, it wasn’t by accident that I got to become the only Christian in my family. I believe there’s more. Be it 10, 20 or 40 years, I can only pray that one day they will know that there is only 1 true God in this universe, and come to accept Him.
Like what Huan Dao remarked the other day “Sometimes we’ve been Christians for so long that we forget to see the world from the non-believers’ point of view.” To which I sincerely agree with. I’m not saying that we should, but when telling them about the gospel, we often cite from the bible, which is complete garbage to them. But then again, other than the bible, what else can we say to them? The bible also says that to believers, the bible is God’s words, but to others it doesn’t make sense. Shall stop here, got to go to church for prayer meeting.
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