just 2 more weeks

and it will be the mission trip to Cambodia. I think for all of us but wanxin, this is our first time, hence I presume everyone should be feeling as anxious as I am. I’m excited to experience how God will empower each of us to do His work :) not according to our standard but His only. Hopefully the team will continue to deepen our relationship with God and equip ourselves sufficiently with God’s word. Unfortunately some wouldn’t be able to make it for the trip this time but I’m sure there’ll be more opportunities in the future.

I was feeling a bit glum last week unknowingly until someone pointed out that I looked downcast. I hadn’t realise that I was unhappy until I asked myself why I wasn’t happy. After a while, I discovered that it was because I felt uncertain about my future; my career, my family, my wife and children if God permits, whether I would lose my passion to serve Him when the stress from school kicks in. All of a sudden I felt terribly insufficient in many ways, and my inability to do more. Apostle Paul clearly knew his purpose in life and lived it out with absolute zeal and fervor, yet the reflection of mine still seems somewhat murky, as if the water ripples have yet decided to settle.

However I am very much heartened to know that I am not alone in this tug of war. James said he has also prayed about this as well but hasn’t had a clear answer. Take a step at a time he said. These are simple, straightforward words yet sometimes I’m so oblivious to the plainness of such solutions. What more can I do but patiently wait for God? I can’t run ahead of Him, I never can, neither can I try to figure out what plans He has for me.

But anyway I’m not very bothered by that already :) Ever since I began working in feb, I haven got a chance to sleep as long as I like. The chance finally came last Saturday; it was a public holiday! I got to sleep until the sun shone onto my bed, and I got to lie under the comfort of my blanket without worrying I’d be late for work :) Never appreciated that feeling in the morning :)

Even though most of the day was spent outside, it was worthwhile :) Fellowship among us is ever so important, because this is an experience exclusively for Christians. Quite a number turned up for the botanic garden outing, and I’m really happy to see Yong Kiat always so enthusiastically joining us :) After the sharing session at church, I was thankful for my family, to be loved and taken care of. I shouldn’t be discouraged that they haven’t believed, but more importantly is to constantly having a good testimony.

I was reminded that a Christian family doesn’t guarantee a conflict-less family. We may talk about how ‘imperfect’ our parents may be or even how they always nag or expect us to do things they don’t embody themselves. But at the end of the day, all these become trivial talk if we don’t initiatively do something about it. I still have a lot to learn in this area; to do my duty as a child of God and my parents, not how they should treat me better, and how I can learn from them and become a better parent.

The other day I was telling a few of my colleagues, Mas Selemat 被捉了。Then they went 真的吗？Afterwards they rushed to watch channel news asia to confirm my statement. This reminded me of when I was in sec 1 and I told my unbelieving classmate about a plane having crashed into the twin towers, he also had to read the papers for himself before he believed me. Maybe it’s our natural response to verify against a more reliable source especially on important issues. But then again, how do we know that these “reliable sources” are dependable? We didn’t know that they would definitely be correct, we simply believed unconsciously. In the same way, our faith is found on belief, which turns into knowledge, and this knowledge in turn reinforces our belief.

Recently this thought has been occurring to me. Some of the unbelievers claim that they will believe only after witnessing a “miracle”. But as how the study bible puts it, the problem is not the lack of evidences, but an unwillingness to accept their significance. Jesus had already provided plenty of signs. Evidence, whether miraculous or not, will be misinterpreted or disorientated by the unbelieving mind. In short, I wouldn’t believe that humans could fly even after seeing David Copperfield fly.

Thank You Lord that by Your grace and not initiated by myself, through Christ the sole mediator between God and man, from scripture and not other teaching, I may have faith and not merited by works, that I have received salvation and justification.